SPOTLIGHT OR DARKNESS

Los Angeles 2015 ©Anna Leevia

So it goes in the city of angels.

LOVE

©Anna Leevia

PATER OR THE COMFORT OF BEING SAD

caring cheater
attentious liar
loving hipocrite

you are.

are we?

CARTE DU TENDRE

My favorite Lac D'indiference

IN PRAISE OF PRODUCTIVE PROCRASTINATION: KEN BUTLER

On my wanderings I had the privilege to witness a good number of experimental music acts. Bad ones, good ones, strange ones. One highlight was a live performance from Ken Butler, an American artist, musician and experimental music instrument builder. I used to live up from Sideshow gallery in New York, where the concert above took place in October 2011. Learn more about Butler's unique work: http://kenbutler.squarespace.com//

Lately I've been writing a lot for the Brazilian travel market, leaving me almost no time to write in english about my experiences off work. I'm starting a series called "In Praise Of Productive Procrastination", to share videos of interesting things I come across. Videos/audios won't be edited to excellence. The point here is sharing things that are usually buried on my numerous HD disks.

MEANING

 Too many thoughts about life. About my values. About love. About choices. About what I left behind, and what I built or destroyed. Very sentimental. Very lost but very found on realizing what I (really) need / what matters to me in life. Love. Family. Career. Travel. Organization. Routine. Escapism. Sport. Truth. Variation. Therapy. MEANING.

"in an assassination crisis the anti-human and reactionary forces tend to solidify their prejudices and to use all ruptures as a means of knocking natural Freedom off the goddamned end seat at the bar."

"I'm also told by the God-fearing that I have 'sinned' because I was born a human being and once upon a time human beings did something to one Jesus Christ. I neither killed Christ or Kennedy." 

“those little headshrinkers… saying this is so because your mother had a clubfoot and your father drank and a chicken shitted in your mouth when you were three years old and therefore you are a homosexual or a punchpress operator. Everything but the truth: simply that some men feel bad because life is bad for them the way it is and it could easily be made better.”

"they hang in the parks with the Che idol, with pictures of Castro in their amulets, going OOOOOOOOMMMMMOOOOOOOMMM while William Burroughs, Jean Genet and Allen Ginsberg lead them. these writers have gone, soft, cuckoo, eggshit, female – not homo but female – and if I were a cop I’d feel like clubbing their addled brains myself."


— Charles Bukowski

GOOD MOVIE

"Give your children enough money to do something,
not enough to do nothing"

IGNORANCE BLISS

"Knowledge without follow-through is worse than no knowledge at all. because if you're guessing and it doesn't work out you can just say, shit, the gods are against me. but if you know and don't do, you've got attics and dark halls in your mind to walk up and down in and wonder about. this ain't healthy, leads to unpleasant evenings, too much to drink and the shredding machine."

Bukowski, Notes of a Dirty Old Man (1969)

FRIENDSHIP

If you want to know who your friends are, get yourself a jail sentence. 

Bukowski, Notes of a Dirty Old Man (1969)

YOU SAY YOU WANTED REVOLUTION?

nazi book burnings, 10 may 1933

"...then please be careful of your leaders, for there are many in your ranks who would rather be president of General Motors than burn down the Shell Oil station around the corner. but since they can’t have one, they take the other"
Bukowski, Notes of a Dirty Old Man (1969)

"The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution."
Hannah Arendt 

Godard also examines the role of the revolutionary within western culture. Although he believes western culture needs to be destroyed, it can only be done so by the rejection of intellectualisation. "There is only one way to be an intellectual revolutionary, and that is to give up being an intellectual"  

THE DOS AND DONTS

Germany 2014 ©Anna Leevia

"...and pot. they always equate pot with Revolution. pot just isn’t that good. for Christ’s sake, if they legalized pot half the people would stop smoking it. prohibition created more drunks than grandmother’s warts. it’s only what you can’t do that you want to do."
Bukowski, Notes of a Dirty Old Man (1969)

ROCKUMENTARY

GREAT MOVIE

FINISHED.

"Time is meant to be wasted."

PEACE?

MY TEARS DRY ON THEIR OWN

Recommended.

BERTHOLD BRECHT'S

"Don't be afraid of death so much as an inadequate life."
Berthold Brecht

HOME

TODAY AT CLUB DER VISIONAERE

HANK

"For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us."

Bukowski, Life Magazine, 1988

SEXPECTATIONS

“and when love came to us twice
and lied to us twice
we decided to never love again
that was fair
fair to us
and fair to love itself.

we ask for no mercy or no
miracles;
we are strong enough to live
and to die and to
kill flies,

attend the boxing matches, go to the racetrack,
live on luck and skill,
get alone, get alone often,
and if you can't sleep alone
be careful of the words you speak in your sleep;
and
ask for no mercy
no miracles;

and don't forget:
time is meant to be wasted,
love fails
and death is useless.”

― Charles Bukowski, What Matters Most is How Well You Walk Through the Fire

SELF REFLECTION / SELF DESTRUCTION

"I struggled to suppress destructive impulses and worked instead on creative ones."

Patti Smith "Just Kids"

JUST FINISHED!

"“If you’re not into transforming stuff into art / Don’t worry about it / Just keep doing it and keep doing…”

"The artist seeks contact with his intuitive sense of the gods, but in order to create his work, he cannot stay in this seductive and incorporeal realm. He must return to the natural world in order to do his work. It's the artist responsibility to balance mystical communication and the labor of creation."

"We never saw beyond New York save the books and never sat in an airplane holding each other's hand to ascend into a new sky and descend into a new earth."

WISH I COULD LOSE THE DAY WE MET

Creature comfort, supplicant
Let me tell you what I want
What's the use, a void of course
Take the abuse, make it worse

Creature comfort, delicate
Wish I could lose the day we met
Never in words to say this time
I should just keep this down inside

I wish..

You're the other half of the sky
Creature comfort me tonight.

Creature comfort, justify
I have been waiting all these lives
Everyone's changed their thoughts with age
Scratching their bird claws in my cage

I wish I could love the sun again
Help me love the sun again
I wish I could love
I wish you could love the sun again.
I could love

[Kidneythieves - Creature]

JUST KIDS

"old man with ceaseless childish enthusiasm
too curious about the future to look back"

Patti Smith "Just Kids"


I hope I'll be like that.

AYAHUASCA SESSION

Memories vanish fast
anything made to last?

I'm a non believer begging to be converted.

JUST FINISHED!

"What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don’t live up until their death." 

"We´re all going to die, all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn´t. We are terrorized and flattened by trivialities, we are eaten up by nothing."

The Captain is Out to Lunch and the Sailors have taken over the Ship, Bukowski (1998)

Mother

 I told my mother that I really missed her. At the same time I told her I dont think she is actually listening.

But just in a way that somehow she lives by me. So she does hear me.

SOMETHING IN THE WAY

Watched today.

ANIKULAPO: HE WHO CARRIES DEATH IN HIS POUCH

MÄRZMUSIK

WOMEN'S DAY

To celebrate Women's day, I'd recommend watching documentaries on the different stories of two admirable woman: Jyoti Singh and Susan Sontag.

Jyoti was an Indian girl from a poor family determined to become a doctor. She finished medical school in 2012 and went home to visit her parents in Delhi. Her life was crushed when she hopped on a night bus after going to the movies with a friend. Jyoti was brutally raped by six man and died days later. The documentary features interviews with rapist defendants and one of the convicted, who showed no remorse and blamed the woman for not behaving "decently". Controversially, "India's Daughter" has been banned in India, but you can see it here: bit.ly/indiabbcdaughter

I've read "On Photography" and other essays by Susan Sontag while in university, and became an admirer ever since. Susan was an American writer and filmmaker, teacher and political activist, who wrote extensively about photography, culture and media, human rights, feminism and many other topics. The New York Review of Books called her "one of the most influential critics of her generation.^" "Regarding Susan Sontag" is available on HBO GO. bit.ly/leeviasontag

I YAWN, THEREFORE I AM

As I don't have strong beliefs in an afterlife or any deity, I turned into philosophy to find comfort for the grief that posesses me since the recent death of my mother. I confess I haven't found any, but at least learned to formulate my questions better. Curious on the life of the so-called father of modern philosophy, Rene Descartes, I stumbled upon the informative but extremely boring Cartesius, a 1974 TV-film from Roberto Rossellini. Strange enough, in the early 60s Rossellini held a press conference to announce movies were a dead art form. He felt television was the art thing of the future and began to direct dramas based on the lives of historical figures. As Andy Nicastro pointed well on his critic, "Cartesius proves anything it is that an artist can sell out his talent to his own worst pedagogical ambitions just as readily (and ruinously) as he can sell out to political or commercial ones."

LOVE AT FIRST REJECTION

VINYL X DIGITAL DJ RANT? COUNT ME OUT!

genius comment on RA

The other day a DJ friend surprised me with a Facebook post on the beaten vinyl-versus-digital-DJ war. For her, DJs who don't use vinyl are simply not DJs. On the post she determined that even if a DJ doesn't travel with his records, he should have, at home, a minimum amount of 150 vinyls. And she finished the sentence warning that she'd laugh off of all these poor fake-DJs who don't follow that "rule". A few hours later, she erased her post.
I find appalling how people take their time to criticize others without analyzing first themselves. This came from a person that, bit more then a year ago, affirmed to not be sure if she wanted indeed to be a professional DJ, saying she didn't feel inclined to travel so much. She was constantly hanging around in the club she was a resident being extremely self critical about herself and her performances, saying her own mixing was shit while alternating the euphoria and sadness that usually comes with cocaine. She was sweet but insecure, which is normal on this field, especially mixing the drugs in. Now that she feels finally legitimized from having decent gigs around the planet, showing on Facebook how happy she is to be on the road, she feels entitled to determine what it takes to be in the profession she was short ago not sure to be qualified for. Isn't that a bit ironic?

I believe the whole vinyl - cd - digital music discussion is a loss of time. It's like discussing what is better, digital or analog photography. 

 

There are mediums better for different people with different purposes. Sure, I may prefer the physical feeling of wax, and have the impression most DJs who are used to records mix better, but that alone stands for nothing. Sure, I don't usually like to see a computer on the dance floor or an artist staring at the screen instead of partying with the people, but who am I to judge how each person should perform their craft? I know numerous DJs who don't carry their records since years, and even some that never bought much vinyl, and are excellent professionals. Maybe because they spend less time trying to judge who is doing right or wrong and instead focus on making their own performances better, whatever medium they choose.
Take Lee Jones, for example; worldwide respected DJ and producer, resident of Watergate, and one of the coolest and humblest guys around. He usually doesn't take his vinyls when the gig is outside of Germany, as he observed that "in most places the audience doesn't care so much". So he prefers to travel light and have a wider library of music readily available.
That comes into account especially for beginners. For an early career DJ, chances are that the contractor won't be happy on paying 3 extra bags for your records, which you may need on a long tour.
Ritchie Hawtin said back in 2011 that vinyl purists are stuck in the past. Carl Cox has over 15000 records and doesn't take a single one of them out of his house in Australia anymore. Should we say any of them is less of a DJ?

I started off with CDs. Where I lived in Brazil was hard to get decent electronic music records. Plus, they were very expensive. On top of that, most record players in clubs either didn't work or didn't exist, which is still the reality in a lot of clubs there. I would have to spent years dreaming to be a DJ before I could buy enough records to make a decent library.
As I started going every year to Europe in 2008, I started buying records. First just because I loved having a physical object of the music. Second, because of releases that came only in wax. Third, because people told me it was better sound quality (which seems not to be the case); and forth, sadly, because of looks. Because some people legitimize - and hire me - more if I'm playing records. It doesn't matter if the tracks were mastered on a digital way or if the club has a digital amp making the sound of the vinyl similar to a wave file. If I play the same track digital or in vinyl, these people will respect me more - apparently the author of that post will respect me ONLY - if I do the latter. Even if I would mix worse, some people would be friendlier because I'm playing a record.
It's sad that people care so much about appearance pretending at the same time to be so open minded and understanding.
But well, since when was showbiz fair? You don't need to study acting to be an actor, you don't need to study photography to be a photographer, you don't need to study journalism to become a journalist. If you are a DJ with 20 years of experience, it doesn't necessarily bring you better opportunities then a newbie. Showbiz is simply not very "fair", and neither is life.
As Chris Andersen, editor of Wired magazine, alerted us in his book "Free": “as more people create content for nonmonetary reasons, the competition to those doing it for money grows…"
Therefore, hobbyists have more chances to make competition with established professionals. And no matter how nostalgic one feels, there is no turning back on that.

As an excellent article from Meoko concluded last year:
"The bottom line is, each format has its charms, and their overall differences in quality are often overwhelmed by differences in the quality of initial recording equipment, in mastering approaches, and in playback setup. So, buy and listen to what you like, a variety of both is always welcome!"


ps.: I don't want to mention the name of the person who did the Facebook post, as it's not relevant. She is also developing and will learn things in proper pace. I just used the case to illustrate my point.

SUSAN SONTAG UNDERSTANDS ME

“I perceive value, I confer value, I create value, I even create — or guarantee — existence. Hence, my compulsion to make “lists.” The things (Beethoven’s music, movies, business firms) won’t exist unless I signify my interest in them by at least noting down their names.

Nothing exists unless I maintain it (by my interest, or my potential interest). This is an ultimate, mostly subliminal anxiety. Hence, I must remain always, both in principle + actively, interested in everything. Taking all of knowledge as my province.”
― Susan Sontag, As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh: Journals and Notebooks, 1964-1980

AND I SWEAR THAT I DON'T HAVE A GUN

Nirvana played a huge role in my younsgter years, soothing my family dramas with their mix of rage and sadness. Kurt Cobain was my teenager crush, which I guess was depressing, as he was dead since I was 8. My love for him went as far as spending hours online in prehistoric dial-up 56kbps internet doing my own research wether he indeed killed himself and if I should do it too. He's the reason I started playing guitar.
Teen times.

Leaving the pimple dramas aside, I cannot wait to watch "Montage of Heck", the first fully authorized documentary of Kurt, produced by his daughter, Frances Bean.
The film, which premiered today at Sundance Film Festival,  reportedly "features many never-before-seen home movies and music of Cobain’s, as well as eye-opening interviews with friends and family". According to Rolling Stone, the film doesn't portray Cobain as a spokesman for a generation, but as human being, and a husband, and a father.
Tired of all the deifying reports of Kurt out there, (as it usually happens with dead artists), this is one I really look forward to. 4th of may is the official release.

Read more: http://bit.ly/leeviacobaindocRS

I WISH I COULD EAT YOUR CANCER WHEN YOU TURN BLACK

Mother,
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back.

SOME MORE "WAR ON DRUGS" NONSENSE

Deaths in England related to "bad batch" MDMA are actually related to PMA.

This substance have responsible for more than 100 deaths in the UK, and now the majority of deaths that the media report as being due to “ecstasy” are, in fact, caused by PMA and PMMA.

Their re-emergence is directly due to the international community’s attempts, via UN conventions, to stop the use of MDMA by prohibiting its production and sale. As the earlier UN drug control conventions were clearly not working, in 1988 a further attempt to limit drug use by impairing production was made by banning a number of precursor chemicals. One of these is safrole, the precursor of MDMA. In 2010 there was a massive seizure of 50 tonnes of safrole in Thailand. This did significantly dent availability for MDMA production, so chemists looked for an alternative source of a suitable precursor. Aniseed oil seemed the ideal alternative, as it is chemically very similar to safrole, so this was used. Unfortunately the product that results from using the MDMA production process with aniseed oil is PMA or PMMA. Hence these substances only exist because of the blockade of MDMA production. That in itself wouldn’t particularly matter if they were not more toxic than MDMA.

Read the full article in The Guardian: 

http://bit.ly/pmaleevia

DEAR MOMMA'S BOY

I was everything, and nothing

You were somebody, something

Please, underestimate me

I recognize your disease

I ingested you, I digested you.

GO TRAVEL WITH UNKNOWN PEOPLE

In the end of December 2013 I was in New York City visiting friends after some days snowboarding in Whistler, Canada. Had no special plans for New Years, except maybe going to Output. I was squatting my friend's Sean tiny-room-with-no-heating in Williamsburg, and completely ignored when he warned me that the North Polar Vortex was about to hit the following day. As I woke up, temperatures had dropped over 10 degrees, hitting -16, the lowest in over 100 years in the Big Apple. I was freezing, even with 3 layers of clothing on. I started thinking it could be a good idea to spend réveillon somewhere else.

Luckily I saw a facebook post from Maneesh Sethi, saying he was going on a 6-people private plane trip for 7 days and there was one spot available. They had no fixed plans, except surely chasing the sun down south. It was cheaper then taking normal planes at this time of the year, plus sounded unusual, so I reserved my spot.

I knew Maneesh very little. We met in a co-working space in Berlin once and then he asked me to film a clandestine party he threw in an abandoned boat in Kreuzberg. That was all. All the other 4 travelers were unknown to me.

Next day I met my NY-sista Cheyenne to borrow me clothes and bags, as I was traveling with nothing. Packed and got ready to meet my fellow travelers the next morning upstate in Farmingdale airport.

Four guys, two girls, everybody from a completely different background: one indian-descendent american fundraising for his fitness start-up, one canadian lawyer/foodie, one american economist, one american airplane company CEO/pilot, one australian vegan TV host, and me, the travel-writer-music-lover south american representative.

This turned out to be one of the coolest short unexpected trips I've ever made. All of us loved music, some played instruments, and were/turned into foodies. We went to Kinston, Charleston, Miami and some other cities. We discussed politics, relationships, work, music and the meaning of life. We experienced zero gravity together and drove a plane for the first time.

We jacuzzied together, flirted each night with a different other, shared food, beds and laughs. We were even able to turn New Years in Miami, a nightmarish idea for me, into loads of fun! Here's some images of our adventures: bit.ly/aircation

This year I was needed to stay close to my relatives in Brazil. But here's a toast to another year full of adventures!

HAPPY 2015 y'all!